I could have mohawked her pubes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
