I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
