I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
