AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
