i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
