the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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