I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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