sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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