Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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