Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You ruined the universe
Text me some of your sweat
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
