White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
