I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
