The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
