We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
