If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
