i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
