I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
