He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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