I hate your face
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
