Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
