I can tuck mytits in my pants
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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