I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
