my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
