What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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