the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
