well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
