you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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