I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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