Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
