and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
