areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
