I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
