it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
