Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
