it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
