Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
