This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
