from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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