she was so not down for the gang bang
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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