I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
