the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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