Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
