Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
