If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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