omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
