my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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