i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
