Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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