The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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