Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
sex in a hospital.. check
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
