smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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