I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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