im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
