I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
