butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
