please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
