Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
