We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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