So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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