it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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