They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
