The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
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The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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