I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
