I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
